Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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