I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Im part way to drunk.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
