peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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