This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
