I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize