So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
