Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You made me cry and you don't even care
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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