wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
