do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
