The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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