I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
third nipple confirmed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
