I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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