i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
