i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
