This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
