I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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