You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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