My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
