i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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