I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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