That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you remember whose house we're in?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
