So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
