he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
