i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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