i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
