this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
