tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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