If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
