You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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