i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
