these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
sarcasm needs its own font
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
