apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize