Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
