It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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