Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
