There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
