5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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