I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
