I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
