Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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