the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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