That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
