so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
