I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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