I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
