I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
