I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
