Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
