My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
