i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
