When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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