But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
