Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
