A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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