you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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