you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
