He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
