2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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