I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Operation Purity has been aborted
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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