I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
