Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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