My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
