Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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