my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
whose parrot is this?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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