Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
