Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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