Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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