They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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