Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize