If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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