I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
