I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
