i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
