UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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