We won't sleep together?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
