Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My penis needs a shock collar
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
