I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
bring money and cleavage
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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