i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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