i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize