Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
